Max, Week 9 - The Power of Decision-Making in Families
“Your mom and I always have the final decision.”
How should the power to make decisions be divided between parents and children?
Last week, my dad randomly asked me, “Should we have been harder on you as a child?” He referenced the time I quit swimming because I hated the cold pool at Calphin, the time I quit basketball just because I no longer wanted to play, and the fact that their consistency in not allowing me to drop piano actually gained me a hobby that I enjoy.
Now, my sister is 10, and my parents are again forced to make decisions for my sister or to allow her to make her own decisions. However, with her two biggest priorities in mind, watching Youtube and playing Roblox, my parents don’t trust her to make reasonable decisions. The last thing they want is a chronically online child who plays Roblox for a living.
My parents’ decisions have saved me from a lot of trouble. My life would likely be much worse right now if they didn’t force me to exercise, ask me to take breaks from the screen, and limit the time I spent on my video games. From my experiences, I have seen that my parents are reasonable people and want the best for me. They respect my hobbies and the way I think while still doing what they believe to be the “right thing.”
The problem gets increasingly complicated when the parents are unreasonable or fail to respect their children.
From some of my friends, I hear about parents getting mad for the smallest reasons, signing up their children for overwhelming extracurriculars without even notifying them, or being so intrusive in every aspect that their children essentially become their second body.
For the sake of the child’s future, who should decide? Is there ever a concrete answer?
Hi Max,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your blog, and I found it extremely relatable. The incorporation of the first quote is what caught my attention as it is its own statement that we have all heard as children from both of our parents. In addition, I like how you include personal experiences such as your dad randomly asking you if they should have been harder on you as a child. This inclusion allows for the audience to relate to your blog better with their own personal experiences. It also invites the reader to think about his or her experiences with talking to their parents. I also like how you maintain neutrality on both sides to show that you are objective and simply stating a debate or concern with power dynamics in people’s families. You bring up a very question if the child should be responsible for their own lives or if the parents should guide them in a good direction? Personally, I believe that anything besides the extreme for both cases is fine as that is something that will vary from family to family.
-Krish
Hey Max!
ReplyDeleteYour blog was really engaging and fun to read! I relate with you and understand that our parents want the best for us, even though sometimes they can go too far and make us feel like we’re suffering instead. It’s nice to know that you now enjoy piano due to the fact that they didn’t let you quit. It’s the same with me haha. I used to hate practicing piano every day, and I still kinda have a love-hate relationship with it, but it’s truly helped me in the long run and can always offer me a way to dump my stress out (or give me stress). I really believe that when we were kids, the fact that our parents didn’t let us quit was really important. Without a push in the beginning, you aren’t sure of what you can truly achieve (unless you are really enthusiastic about it, which most kids aren’t at such a young age). For me, my extracurriculars only seemed interesting and fun when I turned around 10 years old, and due to my consistency, I haven’t thought about stopping yet. Finally, to comment on your question, for the sake of the child’s future, I think a mix of both the parents and the child would be good. A push from the parents and making sure consistency is there, along with if the child is willing to continue after the initial push for a little while. I’m not really sure either, but thanks for sharing!
- Colin
Hey Max, I can relate to a lot of your experiences except in a slightly different manner. In my family, I am the younger sibling. I remember riding in the car to my brother's various extracurricular classes in 2nd grade for Karate, swimming, piano, and geography classes. His pleas to not go to his swimming classes were generally ignored and he did not have much of an option except to attend. However, when I reached a similar age, maybe annoyed by the effort to drag my brother to each of his classes, my parents gave me more power as a decision-maker. I initially enrolled in the same classes my brother took but never progressed too far in the classes I had an interest in. Instead, I let my parents know what classes I was interested in, like soccer and track and they enrolled me in nearby programs for those. That said, they were firm on activities they believed to be essential life skills like swimming, BSA, and some sports as exercise. Coming to a concrete point, I think it's important for children to have a key voice in what classes they want to attend because it can help develop passions. At the same time though, as children, we all are lazy and would much rather laze at home than attend a class. There should be a middle ground in the power-making of a child’s decision. As I grew older, my parents adopted a more hands-off approach, allowing me to make decisions for myself, acting more as an advisor. I feel like this freedom allowed me to explore my interests. Great blog post!
ReplyDeleteHi Max Ge! I’m so glad we’re in the same cohort again. I love reading your blogs while learning new facts about your sister every time! On this issue of whether parents should take part in making decisions for their children, I personally think that some pressure is necessary. Similar to your Calphin story, my mom signed me up for swimming lessons in 1st grade, which I did not enjoy much because I hated when the water got inside my nose and all my friends were skilled swimmers. But now I am more than grateful that I was given the opportunity to learn basic swimming skills because when I went to the beach with my friends last summer, one of myself wasn’t able to enjoy it very much because she was never taught how to swim as a kid. So I feel that even if it is something the child does not desire the most at the moment, there will come a time where the skill will benefit the child. Like you mentioned, I also feel that my parents’ decision has saved me from a lot of trouble. I was lucky enough that my parents half-forced me to try different things growing up, like getting involved in numerous types of sports and instruments like piano, violin, and the drum. Not only did I give me such valuable skills, but it helped me learn how to interact with people in group settings which I think played a big role in shaping who I am now.
ReplyDeleteHi Max,
ReplyDeleteI think I definitely can relate to a lot of the things that you mention in your blog posts. For example, when I was younger my parents used to often discipline me regarding screen usage. Although at the time, I really didn’t like this and wasn’t fond of the practice at all, I know realize that all of that was solely for my own betterment. If I was completely glued to my screen at that age and didn’t do anything else, I probably would not have been able to develop good life skills at a young age such as diligence, discipline, and responsibility. I believe that I possess these traits to at least some extent, and maybe that could be attributed to having a strong sense of discipline from a young age. However, I also think that sometimes, parents go too far with this and overly discipline their children and prevent them from “being kids.” This can be seen with my cousins, whom I believe were subjected to too much rigorous discipline at a young age. This included being forced to practice their instruments very overtly, and being completely restricted to screens for less than an hour a week. My cousins are still doing very well in life now, but having talked to them quite frequently, they don’t seem to have appreciate all that disciplinary work from a young age.
-Ritwik