Eunchan Lee, Week 13 - Chasing Lost Memories

 After every yearly visit to my grandmother’s house, I come back home with my heart overflowing with not only love and warmth, but also a sense of bittersweetness and fear. Seeing the newly formed wrinkles on her forehead, it shows a visual reminder of the inevitable time passage, and the memories that fly away with it. 

Out of the many illnesses in this world, I believe that dementia is one of the most cruel and heartbreaking. It takes away the person's ability to form new memories or to remember old ones, erasing their valuable and meaningful memories. It is the most challenging for the person directly undergoing dementia since the thought of ‘losing yourself’ can be extremely scary. But it also puts serious emotional distress on the caregivers and family members, who experience guilt as they helplessly watch the patient’s condition gradually worsen.


Spending last summer with my grandmother was an opportunity for me to build a lot of patience and to explore her thoughts on a deeper level. It did feel frustrating answering the same questions my grandmother asked every five minutes, such as "Did you eat yet?". However, then I realized those questions were never about herself. They were simply her best attempt to communicate her love to me while going through the changes she was fighting internally. Although these changes were somewhat scary at first, it allowed me to realize that her illness does not delete the memories we create together. 

Comments

  1. Colin PhanMarch 20, 2025 at 12:44 PM

    Hey Eunchan!
    I really enjoyed reading your blog this week. I found that your reflection on your grandma’s dementia was really moving. My grandma on my mom’s side also is starting to have worsening memory, and I’m sure recognizing the passage of time is something that many people can relate to. Your image also fits perfectly with this theme of someone who is losing their memory unwillingly and the effect it has on them and their loved ones. I can understand how it would put serious emotional distress on the caregivers because they can’t do anything to help their memory, and can only just watch them slowly forget and forget. It was intriguing to read that even though your grandma’s memories aren’t as great anymore, her affection and concern for you are still there which shows how closely related emotions and memories are, similar to Krish's and Suhas’ blogs. Thanks for sharing!
    -Colin

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  2. Max GeMarch 26, 2025 at 11:20 AM

    Hi Eunchan! I completely understand that feeling of “love and warmth” along with “bittersweetness and fear.” My grandparents live in China, and we only get to go see them once every two years or so. My grandmother always expresses so much excitement to get to see us again. I remember that one time she escorted us to security at the airport, and said, “Ok, this is it!” in an excited voice. But I could understand what she was truly feeling—sadness, which she wanted to hide with enthusiasm.

    I’m going to travel to Japan with my grandparents this summer. I only get to see them for two weeks, and I know it will be the last time in a while, as life will just keep getting busier. They used to come and see us, but as they get older, it’s becoming more and more of a necessity that we travel to see them instead. This time, in Japan, my grandmother won’t be able to accompany us on all of our travels, as her legs need rest often.

    I love how your grandparents are trying to stay connected—mine are too, through WeChat. I hope that the effects of memory loss don’t have extreme consequences on our relationships—it’s sweet to read about how you still feel an emotional connection with her. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. Nidhi MukherjeeMarch 26, 2025 at 9:25 PM

    Hi Eunchan! I can certainly relate to the “bittersweet” feeling of leaving your grandparents. My grandmother lives in India, and I only get to see her in person over a few, measly weeks in summer. Despite this, we still talk over WhatsApp–having taught her how to use it over an eventful summer–and, best of all, I get to see her while we do.

    I love how your reflective tone invokes deep feelings of longing and nostalgia. I think you have done a pretty good job of providing brief glimpses into your life and what you see–like the introductory description of seeing your grandmother–which only serves to humanize your blog to us all. I simply admire how you seamlessly switch between the ideas of lost memories and nostalgia.

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