Elina - Week 15: Oopsies
Lying in bed scrolling through Instagram reels continues to be one of my favorite “escapades” in the middle of the night when I know I should instead be asleep. Instead, the scenario often plays out like this: I happily scroll away, I get distracted by one embarrassing event that happened ten years ago, I stop scrolling and create a fake “replay” where that event would never occur.
My friends laugh when I recount such awkward moments to them, but I never understood why I would only remember those mortifying times like when I thought I was the smartest genius ever and raised my hand enthusiastically only to continuously jumble my words after getting called on. In every person’s mind, they are always imperfect, making mistakes that no one else really remembers (which I found out after consulting multiple friends after one of those embarrassing events).
How could I possibly avoid these awkward situations where I am forced to cope with these unbelievable mistakes a naive version of me made? How could I possibly live life without making mistakes? Yet, as Alexander Pope says, “To err is human.” It’s the imperfections that create the endless drive for improvement, to prevent an “oopsie” from repeating itself over and over again–perhaps that’s why our brains are strictly geared towards remembering only those imperfect moments. That drive for perfection yet frequent mishaps that deter that path is what makes people human and the idea of perfection so abstract.
Maybe some time in the future I’ll learn to appreciate that one awkward time when I kept speaking at the same volume after the classroom swiftly quieted down…
Hi Elina! I, too, always seem to remember my worst memories at the worst of times–whether it’s in the middle of class or at 12:48 am when I should be trying to fall asleep. Each time, I have a full-body reaction of repulsion that seems to consist of a wince, hiss, and jerk of the shoulders, as if I can somehow protect myself from the onslaught of my own mental attack. The memory might be about the one time (out of a hundred, who am I kidding) I stuttered when asking a teacher a question, or when I was too quiet answering out loud in class, even though I knew the answer. I agree, though, that it’s important to remember that these small events don’t actually change people’s perceptions of you–because they literally do not remember it even happening. I just wish my mind would find a way to fix it subconsciously instead of constantly reminding me of what happened three years ago or going off on side tangents trying to figure out what I could have said. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHey Elina, I can completely relate with your feelings. I also have random moments across the day when I remember a bad memory that I hoped to never think about again. LIke you, it generally happens at night because right before I sleep is when I generally reflect on what has happened throughout my day. The downside with this is that my dreams (mostly nightmares), if I can remember them, are based off these mishaps in my day. These nightmare generally turn into terrifying scenarios, so in that way, its relieving knowing that the effects could have been so much worse. Simply thinking about it helps me get over the mistake. I guess, in a way, it's a blessing in disguise. I enjoyed the quote you used from Alexander Pope and I completely agree with its point; I think that thinking of mistakes as a normal occurance helps to not stress over them and easily tackle and potentially prevent future "oopsies." Overall, you had a great blog post!
ReplyDeleteHi Elina! I can definitely relate to thinking up awkward moments at the most inconvenient times, like in a shower or right before bed. Like you, I too make up fake scenarios where I was a “cooler” version of myself and effectively avoided the unease with my quick wit and charm (oh, I wish!). While it can definitely be troublesome to think of, I think that the said “oopsies” serve to be powerful reminders that nobody is perfect. And, who knows? Maybe you can gain a friend, or at the very least a self-deprecating inside joke about it.
ReplyDeleteI feel like the most important thing to think of when recounting such awkward moments is to know that you’re never alone in them. Something I like to think of to stop myself from endlessly spiraling down the anguished oh-no-if-I-had-just is that somewhere out there, there is probably a person having a much, much worse day than you, maybe even worse than you will ever have (maybe they got caught doing TikTok dances in the school hallways by the custodian). It might be a bit grim, but it does the trick!